i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
