I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
