my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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