are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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