No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
