just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
