he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
