The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What drink are we having for lunch?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
