Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize