The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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