I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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