I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
