I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she peed on how many people?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
