I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
