so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
