dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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