So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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