You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
