Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
