Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
