i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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