Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
