Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize