Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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