Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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