I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
