Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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