the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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