Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
