Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
