Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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