Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
