Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
