I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
