Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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