if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
