My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
