There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
