my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
