Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize