Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
