I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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