i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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