I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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