Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
