Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
