Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
