WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
