So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's official drugs can't kill me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize