The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
