You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
