Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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