so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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