IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
