so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just had sex on a roof
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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