im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
