I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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