she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
