if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
