I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
