I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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