So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
