in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
