chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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