I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
