i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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