bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
