My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
