I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
