oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
