He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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