don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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