It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
