Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
