I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
