the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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