Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
