dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
