she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
