i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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