WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
