I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize