are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
