it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
