69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
