im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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