The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize