Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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