Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
