I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize