Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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