if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
