Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
