The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
