Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
