naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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