you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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