God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
