My Higher Power is John Stamos
it hurts more in the daytime
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
