I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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