I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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