Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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