What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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