She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize