I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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