this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
