she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
