You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
