She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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