my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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