I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
